Negative criticism

 In our lifetime, we receive negative criticism a whole lot more than positive feedback. In my opinion, criticism is the catalyst of human evolution. It serves to weed out those characteristics in the human ecosystem which are not conducive to evolution of higher capabilities of the species. Despite the fruits that it bears, the one at the receiving end hardly finds it palatable. Where lies the problem? Is it because of the nature of the receiver or that of the deliverer ?
 Scouring the annals of my mind, the typical pattern that strikes me first is, that the person criticizing with negative feedback, definitely intends to make his disapproval known. And the one receiving the flak gets defensive and feels cornered. So there is the conspicuous negative intonation to it.
 Is it then possible to give a positive twist to it and is it worth the while? These are the questions that I will unravel in this post, with spiritual leanings of course.
 When I started , I used "criticism" and "catalyst of human evolution" in the same breath. So you have all the reason to believe that I am inclined to consider it positive. You are right. Right from the time our cognitive skills kicked in, we have been goaded with smiles and grunts, we have been praised and reprimanded for the right / acceptable and the wrong. Without negative criticism there would be no agreement on what constitutes a civilized society. Hence I am convinced that it is worthwhile exploring the possibility of meting out negative criticism with positive intonation ! This is where my spiritual leanings come to play.
 It is both for the receiver and the deliverer to view it from the lens of spirituality. It is important to let go the sense of ego and understand that it is not humane to be right all the time, and appreciate that all souls are equal, no one is above another, and that every one's view needs to be respected. This will help the receiver open up his mind and see the kernel from the chaff. And will help the one meting out the criticism to provide objective / constructive feedback which will help evolve the individual. This is a definite win-win !

What are your thoughts?

Honing influential skills

 This is a topic that is relevant both to our professional and personal life. In the corporate world, people are often times measured on the level / impact of influence they have / can create. And in our personal life, we are trying to influence our spouse, friends, kids all the time. How can one effectively influence others ? In my early days I have read books on how to improve your negotiating skills and have tried implementing too.
 To my mind, trying to influence others can in a way be viewed as controlling their sense of being and their sense of existence. And "control" as we all know and have experienced is a C that everyone resists. Compassion, Camaraderie and Congeniality are the 3 Cs that work. Trying to control others, or trying to change others to our bent of mind is a faux pas. The obvious solution is then to execute the 3 Cs that bring in the positive results.
 But of late, I am beginning to wonder if consciously trying to work on the 3 Cs with an ulterior motive is manipulation in its very core. And it seems to be conflicting with my spiritual notions and principles of life.
 In my personal life, I have tried to "let go" the desire or want to influence others. And I must admit that, I feel liberated. Because, all along, in the process of influencing others, and trying to be very like-able , agree-able etc. (the 3 Cs), I was not being myself. I was manipulating and in the processing manipulating myself and loosing my identity. I was able to "liberate" myself from the clutches of manipulation , by simply following the lucid principles of spirituality , that I have dealt with in many of my previous posts.
 Would be interesting to discuss others' perspective on this and what they have adopted in their personal and professional life. And what with the confluence of spirituality and metaphysics? The notion that mind, thought etc. are matter and particles which can be influenced and controlled by our will. Would it be spiritually ethical to control the outcome of others (people, systems etc.) to our benefit?

How to cope with a person you hate?

 It is more than likely that in the course of our life, we will come upon people / person we hate, and worse, might even have to spend ample time with them. What then is the recourse?
 To arrive at that, it is first important to investigate reasons for hating a person. From my experience, the reason we hate someone is because that person might be threatening our "ego". What is ego by the way? One of the meanings available in the dictionary is "The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves." Ego typically has a negative connotation, but the verbatim meaning from dictionary seems quite innocuous . It might not be immediately obvious as to why "ego" is considered evil. But on closer observation, you will find that, when you consider yourself "distinct" from the world and other selves, you begin to expect a life that is superior to others. You want to distinguish your self by having superior patronage, clout, name, fame, money, love, affection etc. And so when a person threatens / subjugates your distinct self (i.e. your ego), it hurts, and you will want to hurl this person out of your life. You will start hating this person.
 So much for the meaning of ego. But how to escape from the predicament of having to deal with such a person? The solution is then to turn it on its head. Do not consider yourself "distinct". The "cosmic consciousness" is the idea that the universe exists as an interconnected network of consciousness, with each conscious being linked to every other. By this definition, we are all one and the same. There is no distinct self. Why then should we hanker after distinction? The moment you realize this, you will stop hating someone. For e.g. , consider for a moment that you hate your colleague, because the person is not massaging your ego, or worse threatening to destroy your ego (i.e. superior patronage, fame, name etc.). But what if you do not consider yourself distinct, and what if you do not feel the need to get superior patronage or fame. Would you still hate this person? The answer will be a definite NO. This is one of the important lessons from our scriptures. The soul and consciousness transcends the physical form, knowing that, do not hurt or harm others, do not consider one superior to the other, and bliss is assured.

Secret of Happiness

 The secret of happiness eludes everyone. We are fooled into thinking that being success / achievement will bring us happiness, only to realize that after reaching our goal, we are yet again set on to achieve something else that will make us "happier". What then is the path to happiness?

 In my opinion, one need not wander far and wide. It is all in the mind. Often, we are not aligned with our inner self, our true desire and our real sense of purpose in life. This is the reason why, even though we reach the so called pinnacle of our life, we remain unhappy. Most of the time, we set goals out of peer pressure, to gain approval of the society, instead of setting goals that appease our true self and desire.

 To attain true happiness, it is then imperative that we spend some time searching our conscious and sub-conscious mind, for our true self. How does one identify ?

 In my case, I looked back to identify things that I did not do for the sake of adulation / eulogy, but just out of passion. I then looked back to identify those skills that come naturally to me. It dawned on me that the trick is in marrying these two, to be able to leverage skills that came naturally to me, in fields that I am passionate about.

It might just be possible that none of what we do in our daily life aligns with our true self. We have to then start aligning our hobbies to our true self. This is a perfect example of Pareto law unfolding. Spending 20% of our time doing things that are aligned to our true self, would bring us happiness.

 The other realization that has been pivotal to my sense of happiness is detachment - detachment from worldly possession like name, fame and power, which is the quint essence of spirituality.  The more you get these worldly possessions, the more you want it, and you get sucked into this vicious cycle of unhappiness. Worldly possessions are those which are not entirely in our control. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but we can control our thoughts and actions for our happiness. The solution lies in being contented and happy with what has been ordained, and living a life with purpose, aligned with your true inner self.

What have your experiences been?

Start 'em Young Raise 'em Right

I am a big fan of the quote that's the title. Many times I wonder how I can drive in the principles taught in our scriptures to my kid, a pre-schooler. How do I make it simple and relevant to her age? Reading out fables and anecdotes from scriptures is definitely one way. But if I want her to start putting it into practice, how do I get her initiated?
 I started out by looking at some of the common problems that she has , and realized that it is not very different from what we face as adults ! One of the biggest problems that kids her age seem to be facing, is that changing loyalties among friends, peer pressure and factions. On deeper probing, I find that it is the same "attachment to ego" that we face as adults. We want our ego to massaged by external approval, appreciation, adulation and even sub-ordination. When our ego is not boosted, we submit ourselves to primal instincts like anger, hatred, jealousy. Sensing that this is a canker that must be nipped in the bud, I set out to create stories around the problem of being attached to ego. But for a preschooler ! How could I pull that? This has been an experimental learning for me. I create stories around how other friends would not want to play with her, if she always wants to get it her way, how she needs to be sensitive to the interests of other kids', and the joy that she would get out of playing and being together with other kids, just by letting go her self indulgence. Going by the recent anointment as a "helpful and friendly child" by her teacher, I am presuming this has worked.
 Though in times of fight or flight, I wonder whether it will be the primal instincts that will take over.

 Any thoughts or experiments with teaching Spiritual principles to the young?

How to create good presentations?

 There are many tips and tricks of trade that has been taught to people in the corporate world, for creating a "great" presentation. I am happy if we gave "good" presentation rather. Why "good" and not "great" must be a question that you might have in mind....

 Well ... what is the objective of presenting? To put across our point of view and rally people around our "Point of View". Do you think people will rally around you just because you have fancy animations and pictures in your presentation? Or talking at length about it?

The answer is NO. It is much like having a conversation, except that a presentation could be for a larger audience with common or related interests. For others to be able to support you, your first intention must be to have a win-win situation.

What good can you do to others by this "Point of View"? How will it benefit others? Put others' interests before yours. These are what our scriptures have taught us as "golden rules" or "principles" of life. If one sticks to these, we would naturally create a riveting presentation which has the "goodness" in it. And that is what I meant when I said I would rather create a "good" presentation than a "great" presentation.

 In my own presentations I try to stick to 3 ways in which my "Point of View" can benefit the audience. If I can't identify the "goodness" factor, I open up the session to get views on how the audience thinks it can benefit or would like to see. That way even if I don't have the answers, we get to agree on a cause / action, which in essence , is the whole purpose of "presentation".

The conflicts, obscurity and all of it is taken care, when there is "goodness" for everyone. In my opinion, people generally don't agree or don't understand when they don't see the "goodness" factor.

Any thoughts or experiences that you would like to share?
 

Meditation - Way to Personal Effectiveness

Meditation is known to be beneficial to health and mind. To be able to fully benefit from meditation, it is important to understand the effects of meditation on the evolution of brain and how it influences our demeanor. Humans are gifted with the "crown" i.e. the conscious brain, which is what differentiates humans from animals. And it is only natural that only by firing this crown can we rejoice in true glory.
 The conscious brain gives us the free will to choose the right from wrong, focus, observe, invent etc. The more we flex the conscious brain, the better we are able to focus, observe our own patterns, eliminate bad patterns, and chalk out our life. The most important for all of this is focus and attention. The conscious brain is prone to distractions and we need to "train our thoughts" to shut out the distractions. This is where meditation helps. Meditation helps us to train our mind to focus. The better we get at it, the better we are able to focus on our personal traits and resolve to change for the better.
 To put it simply, mediate to train your mind to focus and pay attention to your self deprecating patterns and eliminate them.What makes us an individual is our repeating behavior patterns, and personal effectiveness is nothing but pruning and taming our behavior patterns.
Anyone has any personal experiences from meditation? I have personally experienced a distinct sense of calm and composure after meditation, which equips me with the fortitude to embrace a challenging situation. It helps me take objective decisions rather than be carried away by subjective emotions, which in essence is the "glory" of being a human.
Look forward to thoughts and views on this.