Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Interpersonal Relationships

 This has been and will always be a topic of interest. It will in my opinion continue as long as beings as intelligent as humans exist. The human race thrives on the basis of interpersonal relationships. In the same breath, I also consider it the reason that endangers the existence of human race (well not literally in the near future in the very least !).

 Empathy, love, affection, respect are some of the positive dimensions of interpersonal relationships, in the sense, we have a relation with another person out of empathy, love, respect etc. Yet an overdose of these very emotions fuels selfishness, hatred, jealousy etc. One can see the paradox immediately, and am sure everyone has experienced it in either personal and / or professional life.

For e.g., in your personal life you might relate to your child / kin with empathy, love and affection. But because of your attachment to these emotions and your child / kin, anything remotely threatening this relation / attachment will be dealt with hatred, jealousy etc. which is in itself an act of selfishness.

In the professional life, one would develop professional relationships with team members, superiors etc., and one would want to thwart any situation or person posing a threat to professional relations.

From my own experience, I find this self deprecating, nonetheless every once in a while I see myself repeating the mistake. One cannot but agree with the misery that negative emotions like hatred and jealousy bring. Though at the moment we vent out our negative emotions, we are deluded into thinking that the target is affected, in reality, these negative emotions consumes the source i.e our own self.

Why is it so, and what is the solution? Our Indian Hindu scriptures harp (that is an under statement) at how wasteful "attachment" is, and that one needs to "let go". This is in fact the solution to many problems and interpersonal relationship problems is no exception.
As long as you are attached to someone or something, you will always have the fear of loosing it. No matter however much you try to protect / guard it, it seems to be imperiled. The sense of insecurity in many cases stems from the paranoia that comes with attachment. And by over-doing, we might sometimes end up jeopardizing the relation itself. This is what we mean when we talk of over-powering relations. In an over-powering relation, one tries to tweak and control the relation by all means, and gets stressed out by being paranoid.
Hence we must "let go" our attachment to people, money, fame, power and then we would naturally have genuine interest and relation with people. If we did not mind whether we had the support of people, money or fame, then we do not fear anything or anyone, we do not manipulate anything or anyone, and thereby avoid being miserable ourselves. By submitting ourselves to external support, appreciation, fame etc., we are only letting ourselves be manipulated, twisted and pushed to misery. Because, to manipulate someone, we would need to please that person, even if it means doing something that we would not like to. That is the beauty (or rather ugliness) of manipulation and attachment !
To end this cycle of misery, one needs to "let go" and enjoy every moment in this life and every relation.

Easily said than done ! But helps reinforcing within ourselves and practicing it most if not at all times.


  1. Sai, You seems to be a real expert on the topics which you take up for your blogging.. I see no reason why the number of visitors of your blog would not increase by mega fold